Resurrected Bullsh*t

 I love my daughter. I wanted to lead off with that because I sat patiently through Halloween: Resurrection (2002), waiting for this piece of shit to just end. I can't say this enough: I fucking hate this movie. I detest it. I loathe it. I find it to be an insult to the classic Carpenter, Hill, Cundy, and others gave us in 1978. There is a scene where Busta Rhymes actually bolts Michael's crotch with an electrical wire, another time karate kicking him as if he were Bruce Lee, complete with, "Hi-yah!" If that wasn't enough, there is an actual scene where Busta is disguised as Michael, coming in contact with Michael Myers, pressing his thumb into the face of MM, telling him he needs to leave the house and guess what Michael does? He LEAVES!!!! Yes, Michael Myers doesn't stab him multiple times. Nope, he follows Busta's orders and leaves the room. I wish I was making this up. You can say what you want about Rob Zombie's Halloween films, but if Busta was poking his finger in the face of Tyler Mane's Michael Myers, he would have been torn apart with Michael's bare hands. Nothing against Busta. He's the fasted rapper I've ever listened to. That man can rap. He is an icon of his industry. And he's charismatic. But the producers, or writers, or director needed to rein in some of this nonsense because every last one involved with "Halloween: Resurrection" turns Michael into an absolute joke and takes a giant steaming pile on the franchise, especially the great film from 1978 that was never meant to produce such fucking slasher trash. God, I fucking hate this movie. There is poor Katee Sackoff prior to redeeming her career with "Battlestar: Galactica" was this hot but annoying internet sensation wannabe often getting groped and ogled by American Pie's Thomas Ian Nicholas, whose supposed fame of that franchise didn't find its way into "Halloween: Resurrection". Nicholas is a cipher who puts his camera light into the boobs of Sackoff, while practically begging for her to strip for the internet show ran by Rhymes and Tyra Banks (the latter in the operations center where the monitors and tech is located) inside the Michael Myers house during Halloween. While a majority of the film takes place in the Myers' house, a Reality TV show with a cast of college students gathered to investigate the place for clues as to why Michael became a killer, a few students are gathered in a room at a Halloween party, including Ryan Merriman, who watches and helps out final girl, Bianca Kajich, navigate about and evade Michael as he pursues her. Besides how Michael is treated (Bianca comes at him with a chainsaw, declaring "This is for so-and-so!" before Busta busts into the room with "Trick or Treat, motherfucker!"). There's a sexy redhead played by Daisy McCrackin who, for some reason, is willing to fuck true crime psyche major weirdo (Luke Kirby) on the bed of Myers in an underground room underneath the Myers' house. There's a ripoff kill lifted from "Peeping Tom" (1960) with a camera tripod leg spear, a knife to the head (after Michael breaks through a mirror from behind a wall), a body pressed into a gate bar, a body lifted off the floor with the face crushed (causing blood to leak from the victim's eyes), a knife fight ending with Michael plunging two butcher knives into a victim (sticking him to a door), and a clean beheading with one sharp cut that sends a head bobbing down the stairs right out of a William Castle horror film. I haven't even mentioned the obvious reason why I despise this film with a passion: the irredeemable dismissal of Laurie Strode. You could have left her well enough alone. You could follow any Halloween sequel and had just left "Halloween: H20" (1998) intact. You could make a standalone Michael Myers film that ignored any of the sequels. You can do whatever you want because you have the rights to Michael Myers and the Halloween name. And "Resurrection" is the results of such control. For whatever you have to say to Rob Zombie about his two Michael Myers films, at the very least, he was presented as a psychopath not to be messed with. That absolutely asinine opening with how they explain away Michael's escape from the beheading by Laurie's ax to how the writers send off such a beloved character in such an insulting fashion; the franchise dropped this attempted cashgrab and the Akkads left us with a truly bottom-of-the-barrel disgrace. Well, my daughter really got into the film, especially by the end. She was captivated and enthralled. So this all about my own reaction to the film. I will never watch this again. NEVER WATCH THIS AGAIN. I'm done with this piece of shit for good. 0.5/5. The 0.5 is for Sean Patrick Thomas, who is one of the few bright spots in a film that wasn't worried about casting anyone worth much. The mask is probably the best thing about the film. Too bad Michael Myers is an embarrassment.