Hugh Crain, Go AWAY!

There are remakes or reimaginings that do an okay job of updating material to present day. And there are some that remind us just how superior the film of the past really is. I think that is definitely the case of The Haunting (1999), although it is assisted by some art design, with a house, initially, that is quite easy on the eye. I could imagine walking through the house as Lili Taylor does, with a big wow in her eyes and face. I would indeed love to visit the place, in the day, with the daylight. Not in the night. In the dark. Anyway, the film loves its CGI. Ghosts emerging from even statues built into the house, restless spirits moving through curtains and hair. Bed sheets with ghosts, even the furnishings of the house transform into Hugh Crain's mad ghost looking to cause mayhem. Owen Wilson starring as Owen Wilson, an insomniac with the same skepticism as Russ Tamblyn's 1963 counterpart (except Wilson is just a guy who answers an ad and is invited by "fear psychologist", Liam Neeson), still quipping and speaking in his typically subdued tone. Zeta-Jones is at the very prime of her sensuality, and the film makes sure we understand she's very promiscuous and randy, perhaps even interested in Taylor's lonelyheart, called by "someone or something" to look at a newspaper article, although Neeson never was the one responsible for that call. Neeson keeps certain details from his assembled few. They are guinea pigs, brought into this infamous rich madman's ancient mansion by Neeson to test fear and response to it. Taylor almost immediately senses that the house has interest in her...but what does the spirits in the house want? Zeta-Jones, when not flirting with Owen Wilson (and vice versa), is full on sex kitten, strutting and lusciously pronouncing her dialogue as if she is often wanting to seduce somebody (or at least maintain their attention). She's as attractive as the art design for the house production. This just isn't Neeson's movie...he looks as bored as I was once again revisiting this, as if expecting something exciting. The film imitates the metal spiral staircase suspense sequence of the original Wise film but just goes way overboard. This is the film's MO, though. Everything is dialed up. The cartoonish ghost CGI, the staircase coming apart, the sound design and how the house "comes alive"...no nuance, no subtlety. Jan de Bont had lots of money Hollywood thrown his way and he just overloads the film with fake ghosts that are about as intense and scary as a Casper cartoon. Taylor, bless her, does what she can. There is even a scene where her face is "altered" by the presence in the house...like some sort of supernatural deepfake. 1.5/5

Even child house decor reacts to terror!

This was, and deserved, to be a critical failure. It made some money, but I assume the marketing for it was factored in and Hollywood didn't exactly turn too big a profit. It was embarrassing for the big names involved. The effects were just so unrealistic and campy, any possible impact is dulled. But never is the developing story of any impact, so all the effects a big production could muster wouldn't have helped.