Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

 

Yes, before Whedon rose to stardom for his masterful, iconic cult series, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" with Gellar, there was this 1992 comedy horror film. God, was I hot for Kristy Swanson. She was in the "Flowers in the Attic" (1987) and a guilty pleasure of mind, Wes Craven's "Deadly Friend" (1986). But there, she's just so yum. This little flick checks all my boxes. It is a prime piece of ridiculous vampire silliness and knows it. I cracked up when the valley girls including Swanson (and a vicious Hillary Swank who has the snobbish, snarky "suck it" snarl on pointe) are talking about the environment (with special mention of the ozone and later "Don't Tread on me") for a school "theme". It was nice to see a young Luke Perry (may he rest in peace) as Buffy's love interest; he's a rather "in between jobs" kind of guy who was working in a shop, decided to try and leave town, but vampires (and being saved by Donald Sutherland's vampire hunter trainer) sort of sidetracked him. Buffy was just a popular cheerleader with some sick gymnastics until Donald Sutherland, in trenchcoat and Fedora hat, told her she was the "chosen one", later determining that as true when he "throws a knife at her head". Buffy prioritizing vampire slaying over her friends (who talk similarly to the girls in "Heathers" (1989)) doesn't go over well and soon her jock boyfriend, Jeffrey (Randall Batinkoff), is looking for another girlfriend. The cast in this flick is quite amazing. I had forgotten just who all showed up in the casting.

Ben Affleck as a basketball player.

Andrew Lowery (the teen zombie high school comedy, "My Boyfriend's Back" (1993), a hit with many of my friends back during the rental days) as Batinkoff's buddy Buffy flips over her shoulder in the hall.

Paul Reubens as a vampire servant to the late great Rutger Hauer's Lothos who doesn't die right away when Buffy stakes him in a memorable scene where he frustratingly hurts a bit.

Sasha Jenson (of "Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers" (1988), the boyfriend of Ellie Cornell, and "Dazed & Confused") is a vampire during a basketball game.

Thomas Jane (who I didn't even recognize) as a vampire.

David Arquette as a memorable vampire pal to Perry, eventually turning on him because he and Buffy become an item.

Natasha Gregson Wagner as part of Buffy's entourage who is a meal for Hauer.

Stephen Root who once again steals the film as a principal who tries to be an authoritarian, quite incapable of stopping vampire students from raiding the senior high school dance. He gives detention slips to the dead students after they are staked.

Ricky Dean Logan (the earpiece victim in "Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare") as a vampire victim who bursts into the dance after bloodied.

Alexis Arquette as a vampire DJ (and Slash as a DJ!), Seth Green as a vampire, and Ricki Lake as a character named Charlotte.

But its Swanson as a ditsy cheerleader who realizes her calling as a vampire killer, Sutherland in a supporting part as a dead serious teacher who tries to corral her interests in school activities and focus her energies on preparing for Hauer and his bloodsuckers, Reubens as a hissing vampire always devoted to Hauer's every wish, and Hauer as the flashy vampire survivor of centuries looking to add Buffy as his vampire bride. Sometimes, 80 minutes of not-so-serious vampire nonsense is wanted. 

Perry and Swanson had good chemistry and Swanson's stunt double does some amazing gymnastic flips. Swanson's valley girl and Sutherland's staunch teacher from years gone by--two polar opposites of two very different generations--are quite a hilarious odd pairing. It's just too bad Sutherland and Hauer share one single scene together. Vampires raiding the senior dance is inspired even though this is totally a PG-13 horror comedy so this isn't a bloodbath it could have been. Still the vision of Swanson slaying vampires while an approving Sutherland nods and Perry, quite willing to help even if a bit overwhelmed at times, is often quite appealing as the eventual suitor of her affections. 3.5/5