Amityville is on the Market Again

Ryan and Loughlin peer into the deep well of the Amityville House

 In the 1980s you will see such an odd mix of familiar names in horror films. Amityville 3D (1983) is such a film to post a list of names that include Tony Roberts, Candy Clark, Tess Harper, Lori Loughlin, Meg Ryan, and Robert Joy with direction from Richard Fleischer of all people. Roberts might be best remembered for Woody Allen films and Law & Order roles. He's not the first face you expect in an Amityville possessed house flick. Clark turns up in such an eclectic bunch of cult films--everything from "Blue Thunder" to "The Man Who Fell to the Earth"--that she would be expected as a shrieking victim plagued by the accursed Amityville home on 112 Ocean Avenue. Loughlin's college criminal scandal infamy aside, she was still a few years before "Full House" and "Rad". Ryan was also close to "Top Gun" and "When Harry Met Sally". Harper is a really good actress, so this was more or less a job that paid. Eventually you see interesting names in a horror film...that is why the genre is such a fun one.

This is the kind of film you would see on TBS back in 1988 on a Wednesday night. I can remember distinctly as a kid the scene where the real estate agent is "attacked" by a horde of flies in the "window eyes" room on the top floor of the Amityville home. Roberts as the skeptic working for Reveal Magazine to expose frauds bilking the vulnerable through fake seances, with Clark his assistant and photographer, encounters a crew using the Amityville house as their base for "contacting spirits". The next day the real estate agent convinces Roberts to buy the damned house and then the next day is attacked by the flies and dies of a heart attack. But despite odd photos of the agent's face all distorted, Clark can't convince Roberts to stay away from the house...he's such a skeptic. Even worse Loughlin and Ryan, teenagers with nothing much exciting at that moment, fool around with a Oujia board. Eventually an Amityville film would bring out the tried and true Ouija board for a drive-in horror film. Speaking of drive-ins, I noticed when Googling the film out of interest, that there are a lot of showings listing the film which I thought was neat. I would actually go to a drive-in now that was showing this film. It might not be very good, but, sure, I'd go see "Amityville 3-D", buy a coke and some popcorn. This does feel very much like the ideal drive-in flick. It isn't significant in any way whatsoever. This is not a film that someone can find intellectual stimulation from. If anything it might rot the brain.

Revisiting the film reminds me that its setpieces are just so groan-inducing. Clark is blasted by gusts of powerful frost from the basement. An elevator trip up and down nearly snaps Roberts' neck. Clark's burned corpse reaching out from her car at a motorist stopping by to see what happened. What the well in the basement yields. These are the film's camp elements that will be a yikes to some while others love and embrace such nonsense. I think Roberts has problems with his bathroom faucet with a shower curtain "closing in from behind" that is as inconsequential as any "suspense" scene.

But I think there is a really standout scene involving a wet Loughlin and mother Harper seeing her from Roberts' office that is especially chilling. Outside in a boat on the lake, Loughlin had fallen out and drowned. And yet here she is all wet and walking up the stairs after eyeing Harper for a moment. I just thought it was damned eerie and effective. I like how Harper acted the scene, too. She insists she saw Loughlin "alive" while her daughter is dead on the ground as paramedics tend to her. Harper saw her and we, as viewers, saw her...its just so interesting a scene in a film that is all about tossing a frisbee, hoisting a long-neck flashlight, and protruding pipe aiming at the screen. But that ending where the house does a come apart when a blue blob of "spirit" gains Harper's attention and convinces her to follow it, getting her to believe that Loughlin's return was the expected result. The parental grief is there and Harper gets that across but Joy and his scientific student paranormal team looking to document a demonic presence (or some scientific proof/evidence), later locating an actual demon in the well "water" that eventually turns out some kind of ice berg and "temperamental reaction" at the end is this ridiculous effects "showcase". I imagine Roberts and Parker were like "never again" after this fiasco. Joy being grabbed by the demon, the demon burning his face with a mouth "torch", and Joy being pulled into the well doesn't shock as much as probably encourage giggles. Director Fleischer makes sure that his crew blow that house to smithereens. And it explodes. And explodes. And explodes. Take after take. 2/5

***the version I watched on YouTube said 1080p, and I can confirm its the best quality print I've ever seen of the film. I have a VHS with a very poor print. Clarity for this film never felt like a must but I do think it helped somewhat.***