I Was a Teenage Frankenstein (1958)

Bissell isn't exactly a teenager!

Whit Bissell of 50s sci-fi films and 60s westerns gets his chance to take a crack at Frankenstein, portraying a descendent of Henry’s, following suit by building his own man built from the torso and body parts of car crash victims! Poor Robert Burton is a physicist shanghaied into helping Frankenstein, his knowledge of electronics of interest to the mad scientist. Unfortunate Phyllis Coates makes the mistake of falling for him and agreeing to be his fiancé and assistant. As we know all too well, these Frankenstein films stay true to formula: the scientist is married to his diabolical experiments. Drive-in fans get their money’s worth as Franky even has a secret room where he keeps a gator to take care of the disposable body parts…and those live victims that might expose his work!

“Now I have to get two hands and a right leg. Believe me, I’ll see to it that the replacements are an improvement over the originals.” – Frankenstein says as  Burton’s Dr. Karlton looks to be a bit unsettled by it all.

This film has a sick sense of humor where one scene had Bissell reading a newspaper with the front article reporting the airplane crash of high school athletes, describing how “such a waste” is the loss of life, all the training and dedication to healthy bodies now over. Cut to the next scene where Frankenstein and Karlton head to the cemetery to dig up their graves! Frankenstein is quite proud of himself as he takes great advantage of “arms of a wrestler and leg of a football star”, telling the human surgical “specimen” that he should be real happy with the scientist’s work! Karlton, bless his heart, remains a disturbed colleague, wishing he’d never met Frankenstein.

Frankenstein and his boy go for a ride.

“The pure, clear flame of science is a hard taskmaster.”

“Come, come, my boy. Say hello to your creator. Speak. You’ve got a civil tongue in your head. I know, I sewed it back myself.”

Franky is astonished when his “boy” cries, wowed that “even the tear ducts are working.” Not a semblance of humanity telling him that this human experiment is in woe for his current predicament. Gary Conway is the putty-faced, muscled teenage “monster”, with the high schooler personality, wanting surgery done to remove his ugliness, willing to be obedient to Frankenstein if he’ll take care of it. Well, Coates’ Margaret gets a bit too inquisitive and Franky isn’t about to allow her to know his secret in the lab…she must silenced! Well, because Conway wants a handsome face, he’s willing to listen to the boss and get physical if needed. That isn’t enough…because the face came from a well liked young man who was taken from a convertible while necking with his girl, the police are aware of him. So Franky devises a plan to “disassemble what he assembled” so that his great success will get across water to London, parts hidden in a hideaway in the boxes carrying Karlton’s electrical equipment! Well, Conway isn’t about to let himself be mutilated, seeing through Franky’s attempts to inject him with sodium pentothal to subdue him. There’s a bit of color added to the end but there was really no need as it adds positively nothing of value to the film. The conclusion kind of happens, a bit abrupt and explosive, as if those who made it ran out of money and needed to finish the production. 

Frankenstein's premature celebration with Dr. Karlton

**½

At just 72 minutes, this doesn’t necessarily overstay its welcome, although “I Was a Teenage Frankenstein” isn’t particularly distinguished or exciting. Unless uncovered while researching “I Was a Teenage Werewolf”, many might not be aware that Frankenstein exists. Bissell is fun in a rare lead part, getting to sink his teeth in the sociopathic scientist so famous in the sci-fi/horror genres we know and love, waffling between well-spoken and gentlemanly to enraged and volcanic…sometimes he can transform from one side of the spectrum to the other and back again. Case in point: when Margaret provokes him without even intending to, just by mentioning her getting close to his work without his approval. Margaret making a key for the lab especially bothers him. His scheme to get rid of her by manipulating the boy is particularly chilling, particularly when he lights up his pipe while she’s being killed on the other side of the lab door! “Poor Margaret” he says as he looks away from the gator room. Clearly this was all done on a shoestring. "How to Make a Monster" is a tie-in to this film, made around the same time, and Werewolf. I plan to watch it along with Werewolf, hopefully later.

In regards to Conway's face--supposed to be resembling a face crushed and mangled in a horrible car crash--it is clearly makeup putty. It is grotesque, but might elicit giggles instead of horror.