The Boy Who Cried Critter

It has been a busy Easter weekend, and after a much-needed nap in the Sunday afternoon, I once again I dusted off an old holiday annual treat (appropriate here in more ways than one considering humans are quite a tasty goody for the Crites), Critters 2, directed by Mick Garris. Since I'm from (and still currently reside in) a small town, this 1988 sequel returns us two years after Bradley Brown's family's departure from Grover's Bend. Bradley is in university and comes back to Bend to visit his grandma.

I have already written extensively about the film in times past so doing so yet again is really unnecessary. But I do simply enjoy the film if just for how Garris brings the Easter season in a small town to life, the supporting cast is just such a delight (Anderson, Shaye, Corbin, Deezen, Birney, and Herta Ware all add such value to the film in small parts), the Crites are quite toothy and very hungry (and splat real good), the Critter feeding sessions are quite red meat, and young heroes Grimes and Liane Curtis make for a courageous, exuberant duo. Of course, Opper and Terrence Mann (as stone-faced and robotic as ever), with the “nothing face” (Roxanne Kernohan) getting quite a makeover when a Playboy comes into focus. Ug’s emotional sabbatical with the loss of his partner and Opper’s Charlie trying to comfort him is an underrated scene, I think. I guess seeing nothing-face morphing his face into Deezen is quite a highlight, but fans of Freddy Krueger will always wonder “what if?” The raid on the burger joint and how Ug and nothing-face obliterate them is a definite splatter highlight if just because so many Critters incur the wrath of the bounty hunters. Corbin cracking wise, Shaye in bright red hair, Anderson (of Lost, which gave me a smile) trying to keep Grimes from his daughter, Deezen manning the hamburger counter, Kernohan “busting” from nothing-face’s bounty hunting uniform, the Critters forming a giant ball of meat-eating teeth, the newly positioned sheriff balking at wearing the bunny suit but eventually contending with Crites in his crotch, the antique salesman losing his dog and life to the Crites after dealing away cheap beer and Playboys to a leather jacket knucklehead, and Opper trying to find his inner bounty hunter offer the 80s fan of this genre their mishmash of goodies.

The plot is simple: the Crites are still around in Grover’s Bend, eggs in a barn discovered by a local crude looking to seduce the newspaper owner’s daughter, selling an antique salesman them. The Crites soon emerge from their eggs, some sold to the local grandma who runs a care center and advocates against meat and chocolate. Grimes’ Bradley arrives, not anticipating another round against the Crites. The town must rally in order to fend off the furry alien fiends with a mouthful of fury.

When I talk about the 80s films I am fond of, it does recall my happiest memories, so despite the overall quality that deserves to be challenged, I admittedly disregard my usual harsh critique (although I have considerably mellowed compared to many in the blogosphere and beyond). It isn’t as easy for me to just bring the heat to a film like Critters 2 which has certainly faced its share of criticism over the years. But I can just imagine what Corbin’s sheriff would surmise about all of that, and the response probably includes “you bunch of pussies” and ends with a glob of spit streamed from the lips in defiance. As a kid, Critters 2 was never my personal favorite, certainly in comparison to the first film which just seemed to be far superior to any of its follow-ups. That said, seeing Ug’s “heel turn” in the fourth film hung over the film to me, especially bothersome considering the nice work done by Garris and his team to really build him into a sympathetic character. Once Mann’s face leaves in despair and Ug is face-less, the film gives the character much empathy, since “he” loses nothing-face. So the betrayal in 4 just all the more leaves me feeling rather disappointed.

Still, the small-town setting and sunny veneer of the film, Garris playfully setting the Crites free to cause a lot of carnage and cattle-devouring, the emphasis on meat had me laughing. Vegetarians get to see a burger storage blown to smithereens so I can imagine they cheer along with the small town, only for the Crites to emerge more than a bit pissed off. Hell, the film even gives us a giant furball to guide the Crites to potential success…CHEESEBURGERS.