I was talking with a Reddit friend about this episode, how I
had so many thoughts batted around in my mind, trying to compartmentalize them
into something linear would take a bit of time. Dealing with loss, trying to
come to terms with it, somehow contending with him leaving supposedly just for
a bit and never returning to you isn’t conducive to any time frame. Martha just
isn’t going to “move on”. One moment her man was just going out for a bit and
asking her to come along, and the next he was never returning to her again.
That isn’t something someone just shoos away after the funeral. It isn’t like
she can just rid herself of his memory or mindsweep him from the hard drive. He’s
a huge part of her life that was ended abruptly, not by her choice. He’s gone
and she isn’t ready to accept that. So what can she do? What options does she
have? Well, a friend at Ash’s funeral offers Martha a “substitute”. Ash is
gone. He’s not returning. But perhaps a reasonable facsimile could at least
help to dull the pain. To be reminded of what he once was, gleaned from social
media, photographs, and profiles, in a form that is similar if not totally
accurate at least provides a presence that gives Martha initial joy, bliss, and
calm. It isn’t lasting because the facsimile isn’t Ash. It is a replication
that looks like Ash, talks like him, and yet the missing pieces that made him
who she truly loved and lost simply can’t be assimilated and returned. She
realizes that, I think, in the end. Which is why she just can’t look at him the
same. Better to put him up in the attic with the memories and keepsakes of
others like Ash: the dead father and brother Ash’s mother could no longer be
reminded of.
I was talking with a Reddit friend about this episode, how I
had so many thoughts batted around in my mind, trying to compartmentalize them
into something linear would take a bit of time. Dealing with loss, trying to
come to terms with it, somehow contending with him leaving supposedly just for
a bit and never returning to you isn’t conducive to any time frame. Martha just
isn’t going to “move on”. One moment her man was just going out for a bit and
asking her to come along, and the next he was never returning to her again.
That isn’t something someone just shoos away after the funeral. It isn’t like
she can just rid herself of his memory or mindsweep him from the hard drive. He’s
a huge part of her life that was ended abruptly, not by her choice. He’s gone
and she isn’t ready to accept that. So what can she do? What options does she
have? Well, a friend at Ash’s funeral offers Martha a “substitute”. Ash is
gone. He’s not returning. But perhaps a reasonable facsimile could at least
help to dull the pain. To be reminded of what he once was, gleaned from social
media, photographs, and profiles, in a form that is similar if not totally
accurate at least provides a presence that gives Martha initial joy, bliss, and
calm. It isn’t lasting because the facsimile isn’t Ash. It is a replication
that looks like Ash, talks like him, and yet the missing pieces that made him
who she truly loved and lost simply can’t be assimilated and returned. She
realizes that, I think, in the end. Which is why she just can’t look at him the
same. Better to put him up in the attic with the memories and keepsakes of
others like Ash: the dead father and brother Ash’s mother could no longer be
reminded of.
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