Critters 4

After the lackluster second sequel of the Critters franchise (its only merit could be Leo DiCaprio’s involvement as a kid) set in the apartment complex, this fourth and final film takes us to space. An intergalactic specimen collection pod is dispatched to Earth because only two Crites eggs remain. Some sort of intergalactic law prohibits exterminating any species, no matter how dangerous. Caught in the pod by accident, Charlie (who placed the eggs in the pod after the instructions of his ole bounty hunter pal Ug told him to) is put under a deep sleep, the pod shooting into space.
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Under this space pod hibernation, Charlie awakens to 2045, all the people he’s ever known dead, a relic from another time. A cargo ship discovers the pod and hauls it in, not knowing that the Crites inside will soon be loosed to roll free, breed, and kill. Mostly hauling space salvage, this misfit crew isn’t prepared for the payload sitting in their loading dock. Ug now runs a company called Terracor, his name now Counselor Tetra, and Charlie’s reunion with his old buddy will be quite the disappointment. The salvage crew docks their ship at a Terracor station seemingly abandoned and left to die. In disrepair and functioning at less-than-suitable conditions, the nuclear core of this decaying station is at high alert with the threat of radiation most certain. The salvage crew will have only a small amount of time to remain on the station before “they glow in the dark” (to quote the systems expert played with spirited energy by Brad Dourif). The major source of humor comes from the crew’s dealing with the malfunctioning, schizo computer that does right the opposite as told. “Just like my ex wife, it does exactly the opposite…” spoken from Dourif who tells it to not give him security access codes, and in doing so gains control.

This film basically gives fans of the franchise their moments of critters attacking humans with members of the crew feasted upon (the scumbag captain of the salvage crew, Rick (Anders Hove, a real sleaze) who spends most of his time slapping around Dourif’s “apprentice”, Ethan (Paul Whitthorne), and desiring Angela Bassett’s Fran, as well as, junkie Bernie (Eric DaRe) so consumed with filling a backpack with pills from a pharmacy that even as Dourif warns him to get back to their location he stays, eventually getting the same gnawing treatment as Rick), earning this film another near R rating (the past two films avoided the R but were still both a hard PG-13).

It continues to follow Charlie’s journey from boozing nobody in Grover’s Bend in the first film to this point of helping to save the lives of Fran and Ethan in the fourth film. He’s a crack shot when it matters most, although in killing one Crite earlier, he’s responsible for damaging the system controls of the salvage ship, stranding the crew on the space station. The space station is starting a countdown as the nuclear core is eroding, soon to explode, providing a source of suspense in regards to our heroes getting the hell off of this soon-to-detonate trash-heap. You add Ug’s change in behavior (‘things change”) and motive for getting hold of a Crite for sinister reasons involving breeding and use as a weapon to eradicate lifeforms from planets (I guess this was the ole “colonization” plan by Terracor; a go-to plot long used in science fiction since way back). A laboratory discovered by the salvage crew was used to experiment on creatures to develop a breeding alien killer for just that purpose…grow a monster until it can breed on its own. With the Crites now at their disposal, Terracor doesn’t need to continue these experiments. Ug will try to seize this opportunity while it’s in his grasp.

I really like the connection to Android (I’m a fan of that movie with Don Opper as the titular character and Klaus Kinski as his creator), and while I’m not positive the same sets were used for Critters 4, they sure look similar. Critters 4 was indeed a film I watched several times as a teenager, but it had been quite a spell. I’d say twenty years maybe since I last seen it. When the Critters set became available at Walmart, this afforded me the chance to watch it again after such a lengthy absence. I expected to find it underwhelming, but I must say I was surprised at actually how entertained I was by Critters 4. It’s no great shakes plot-wise (let’s be honest, none of the Critters films excelled from a story-line standpoint), and the sets of the space station and ships, the monitors, screens, consoles, special effects—the bells and whistles—are right out of a Corman sci-fi quickie.

I have a fondness for no-budget sci-fi as long as the sets are dressed somewhat and put to some good use; Critters 4 has the space station looking worse for wear and there are lots of crawling through ducts and ventilation shafts, opening convenient hatchways and retreating into lower floors and other corridors that could possibly lead to escape from sealed rooms and incoming Crites. The computer (named Angela, with a female voice) often is a hindrance/detriment, placing the characters in danger and alarmingly presenting perilous situations for them to have to overcome. Such as mistaking Ethan and Charlie for “waste disposal” (they slide down a garbage chute, into a waste dump, nearly jettisoned into space) or not performing tasks/commands as ordered without being outsmarted (as mentioned, Dourif’s Al Bert telling the computer to not perform a task, it, in turn, actually instead doing so; Ethan later uses the same strategy to conceal Ug’s “stormtroopers” (Star Wars was such an influence) in the same lab with the Crites).

The Crites still have the glowing eyes, fur, and piranha teeth, rolling towards potential victims, latching on with a vice-like grip, burrowing into torsos and even inside a mouth at a certain point. And, yet again, we get a larger-sized Crite, and this sequel reverts back to the first film in that we see that the Crites are intelligent and can operate control systems (we watch as they set a course for Earth, grinning at the thought of a healthy food supply) on a ship/station. I think the film’s direct-to-video budget shows in the limited Crites (two) here, and the small number of Crite attacks (two). I don’t necessarily consider the stormtroopers’ fate an attack as it isn’t shown on screen like Rick and Bernie’s. Seeing Rick with a “mouthful of Crite” is a nasty piece of business, but his repellent treatment of Ethan proves just how kharma’s a bitch and has bite.

If I was not satisfied and disappointed in Critters 4 it would be the twist in Ug’s true colors emerging at the end. I didn’t like this revelation when I was a teenager, and, after revisiting the Critters movies the last few months, it hasn’t changed now. Terrence Mann’s Ug has never been easy to warm to—he’s a cold, rather colorless character, an alien bounty hunter whose expression never seemed to change—but because of his friendship, as unusual as it was, with Charlie, that was one of the lasting aspects of the franchise. Especially when Ug loses his colleague in Critters 2, and says a fond goodbye to Charlie who had decided to stay on Earth instead of continuing to hunt other dangerous creatures along the cosmos and across the dark reaches of space. Mann, to his credit, is very good at the whole “cold-blooded bureaucrat willing to kill anyone who stands in his way of acquiring a Crite” routine.

I think, however, that many fans of the first two Critters films will not even consider the last two films, decidedly accepting the ending of The Main Course as a proper way for the story of Charlie and Ug and the Crites to end. I think Opper does well showing a severe disappointment and conveying a sense of loss when Ug reveals his darkside and evil intentions. You see Charlie emotionally deflate (he seems to be overcome with denial and you can see the difficulty believing what he’s seeing with his eyes) and his face practically aches when Ug sees past him as if he were just a bug to be squashed if the Crites weren’t given to him. It is rather a sad end to what was a unique otherworldly friendship; I’m just not sure it was warranted. Why ruin one of the franchise’s most notable relationships?

Dourif chews gum, speaks often carefully and methodically, and his sense of humor is a lot of times dark. He keeps his composure even as death looms from all directions. Bassett is that tough chic who doesn’t take shit from anybody but has a heart of gold. Ethan, especially when he leaves Ug’s ship momentarily as the space station warns of imminent auto destruct, has some stupid moments (like trying to find the other Crite to shoot it with Dourif’s “artifact” Colt .45) that cause the eyes to roll, but he provides Charlie with that missing younger pal once occupied by Scott Grimes. After his limited screen time in the previous film, Opper’s part here is at its most substantial (to tell you the truth, even the first film utilized him sparingly). He is, as always, fun to watch, especially when hunting Crites. Opper skins the head of one of the Crites with a laser beam which is an amusing visual.

I guess dependent upon how you feel about the development of Ug, the lack of plentiful Crites, and the decision to leave Earth for a space station will determine if you consider Critters 4 a good enough close to the franchise. It gives Opper the proper send off as he can’t help the impulsive desire to guide his ship despite warnings from Bassett’s Fran to stay seated and leave well enough alone. With all his friends long gone, his future is not Grover’s Bend, but as uncertain as it may be he still no longer would have to worry about those pesky sharp-teethed furballs.