For those hording toilet paper

I was watching Ted 2 on HBO late Saturday night, and after the opening credits there's this "domestic dispute" that actually reminded me of Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007). Ted, the living, breathing, swearing teddy bear, and his well-figured, gum-gnawing, thickly Bah-stan accented cashier wife are in a rage-spewing war of words where every other word has "fuck" and includes thrown kitchen ware. I honestly asked myself: is this intended to be funny? Because not only did I feel rather uncomfortable but considered it all highly disconcerting. Do I giggle heartily as they systematically verbally annihilate each other? Then a neighbor on another floor sticks his head outta window and engages in a cursing match with Ted. Then they join forces with a third neighbor, a woman who calls their foul exchange into question! It ends like that. I'm convinced the comedy of today is just not meant for me. Yes, perhaps I am connected to a raunchy era of comedy no longer considered acceptable. Maybe they are passe. So be it. Admittedly, Arnold Poindexter getting wildly aroused by his female nerd counterpart in Revenge of the Nerds (1984) or the sex-centric shenanigans of the wacky recruits of Police Academy (1984) are more amusing to me than a profane verbal battle between a talking teddy and human hottie who took him as her hubby. Sure there's something about having a baby to hold their marriage together (which includes trying to steal Tom Brady's sperm after slipping into his home while he's sleeping and a rather unfortunate incident involving a rack of bottled "bad" sperm collapsing on Mark Wahlberg!), and Ted having to hire a babe attorney trying her first case (Amanda Seyfried, who earns Ted and Mark's trust when she whips out a bong and takes a hit!) because his civil rights are in question (is he a living being deserved of rights or a Hasbro property and nothing more?). This all hangs together by a number of gutter-ditch barbs and blush-inspired gags.

We have one of those HBO / Cinemax free weekends. Started with the impressively animated and wisely languaged Kung Fu Panda which comments on how looks can be deceiving and skill can be developed overtime. Yet, I ended with this. I do admit, I'm a sucker for the Flash Gordon references (Sam is the one who weds Ted!) and Mark's Knight Rider ringtone certainly was a cool touch. But Mark, Ted, Ted's wife, and a game Seyfried tossing apples at innocent bystanders on the street and Ted's wife learning she's infertile due to rampant drug use didn't exactly tickle my funny bone as much as cringe. Tastes are what they are.

Ted discovers Mark's excessive porn cache!