Kiddie Capitalists and the Horse Manure - Kidco (1984)

“Kidco” (1984): 2.5/5 // This was another film from childhood I hadn’t seen in some time, much like “Solarbabies”, perhaps 30 years. Scott Schwartz of “A Christmas Story” and “The Toy” is an entrepreneurial minded young lad always looking for another scheme to make some cash, mostly from kids in his school (the opening of the film shows them running numbers/balls in a bingo type operation that allows them to make some cash and lose some, eventually undermined by a rival kid, Mahlon Richmond, who tells the principal).

Well, he realizes that his dad’s horse farm produces plenty of manure and an unscrupulous fertilizer sales corporate businessman (Clifton James) has monopolized that service, price hiking his clients. So Schwartz seizes upon one client fed up with James (Allan Rich), and this sets off a surprising enterprise that includes the kid’s siblings to join him in their own startup, Kidco, which eventually brings the Sales Tax Board of California (Vincent Schiavelli, just looking to tax Schwartz’ father, played by Hallahan of “Hunter” and “The Thing”, for where his horses drank “across state lines”, is one of the agents along with Phil Rubenstein, seemingly flustered with the obsession of his partner’s for nailing this horse farmer) as well as James, seeing them as competition and a threat. This is every bit about the cast with why I enjoy it, particularly the court case which just screamed “Miracle on 34^th Street”.

Cinnamon Idles (whose sole credits were in 1984) is the freckled same-age sister of Schwartz, always strung along with his harebrained schemes, Tristine Skyler (“Book of Shadows: Blair Witch II”), who will only go along with it because she has the hots for a redhead economics genius kid her age that will be involved with Kidco, is another sister, and the older teenage sister is played by Elizabeth Gorcey (with a deadbeat boyfriend who is always strapped for cash). They all serve as a team seeing that the business (which includes shoveling a lot of horse shit) is successful, making a startling amount of money in the process.

The inevitable court trial for taxes not paid, among other “crimes”, brings a judge (a delightful Benny Baker), up for reelection soon (Basil Hoffman is the voice in his ear, warning him to treat his decision in the trial very carefully, considering punishing popular kids for hard work too severely wouldn’t go down quite well with the press or public), trying to navigate these kids through it as they represent themselves, a room full of children who can get a bit loud and celebratory for Schwartz and his siblings, and a frustrated prosecutor (Ron Rifkin), not accustomed to opposing council being so young and inexperienced.

While the court “trial” gets more and more absurd because these kids have no reason to be defending themselves, it does produce entertaining results (such as the judge having to explain what certain terms mean, Schwartz going on a tirade for “kids keeping out of trouble and being punished for it”, kids applauding for Schwartz while the judge hammers away at his gavel, and Schwartz calling one real witness that meant anything, that being a feed store owner, who basically responds with “Yep” to every question).

This is pretty much a “capitalist kid adventure”, with all of San Diego’s youth arriving at the courthouse at the end to celebrate Kidco, complete with plenty of shirts sales…getting the entrepreneurial bug so young and eyeing lots of cash probably will eventually lead to Schwartz mirroring the “evil capitalist”, Clifton James, some day. The message might trouble those who consider “big business” and capitalism in general “evil”, with the statement that kids should be able to sell stuff too perhaps a bit troubling. I always liked it for the “kids up against adults” when I was a youth in the 80s, but tonight I enjoyed it for Schwartz’ work opposite adults and those his age.

There is a wide-eyed innocence that hasn’t been tainted too much by the stranglehold and stress of the corporate world with Schwartz in the lead but anyone who understands what it is like to function in Big Business understands that Kidco (started and operated by kids) would eventually feel the pressure of competition and the down side to capitalism. Everything hinges on horse manure, so if that isn’t an option…what next? Anyway, if you can just give yourself over to the good-natured side of the film, which paints the likes of James and Schiavelli as heels worth booing, and not dwell too much on plot developments which tell us the kids will make it big after quite a positive media response to their trial (and the court room behavior which becomes ridiculous), “Kidco” might work. A 2.5/5 even if I think the whole film is a product of its Reagan presidency era.