Lost Boys - The Thirst

 

You know what the first rule of combat is?

Yeah, don’t monologue.

I do wish Corey Haim had joined the cast for this third film in the Lost Boys trilogy. But at least, this time, we get more screen time with old faves, The Bros. Frog. Corey Feldman has aged well, I must say. Getting clean and addressing mistakes made, Feldman is alive today because he drew a line in the sand and made a change for the better. He is all serious and gravel-voiced as his character was as a kid in the original classic, which is what always appealed to many of us. This film centers around the Frogs, particularly Edgar (Feldman).
 

Edgar’s got a lot of problems. His “home” (a trailer) and property are under foreclosure, and his business hasn’t been quite lucrative in Luna Bay. Truly troubling to Edgar is the loss of his brother to the vampire bite. This was mentioned a couple times briefly with hints of pain by Edgar in The Tribe, but we actually see how at the beginning of The Thirst. Alan (the returning Jamison Newlander) and Edgar were hunting vampires (led by an elderly vampire using fanged false teeth!), when Alan is bitten. Alan flees as Edgar languishes in the knowledge that his brother has become what they hunt…a bloodsucker.

 

Edgar must part with a vampire comic book in order to keep from losing his home, but he is approached to hunt down an “alpha” vampire (lead vampire over others he turned; typically, he’s centuries-old and if he’s killed, those turned by him will be given back their lives) who had kidnapped her brother. At first refusing to take the job, eventually Edgar picks up the sharpened stakes and holy water (he received an online “recognition” that he was an official “reverend”, with the ability to use holy water and his Latin was actually effective against vampires; this Edgar admitted in The Tribe) to do battle with the undead.

The cast consists of Tanit Phoenix as the woman who asks for Edgar’s help in finding her brother, Casey B Dolan as Edgar’s sprightly, inquisitive (and ultimately loyal) buddy and fellow comic book enthusiast, and Felix Mosse as the supposed kidnapped brother. Stephen Van Niekerk and Joe Vaz are participants (reality show host and his cameraman) in Edgar’s mission to stop a turntable specialist named DJ X (Seb Castang; the vampire who kidnapped Mosse, with help from his vampiric entourage) known for popular raves. DJ X plans to introduce “The Thirst” to clubbing kids who attend his next rave, and once those in attendance agreeably take it, believing it is just a party drug, it will be up to the vampire hunters to eliminate the alpha so that a whole bloodsucking army won’t be unleashed on unsuspecting humans.

To set the stage: DJ X plans to sacrifice Peter at his big rave during the night of the blood moon. The designer drug the patrons will be “sampling” will be from the red of the alpha vampire, and this knowledge provides the incentive for which drives Edgar Frog to crash the party and attempt to throw a monkey wrench in the whole shebang.

I do believe Feldman mimics his voice after Stallone’s Rambo (which would explain the bandana and snarl), and I found the routine dated but totally amusing. I like that Edgar has maintained that bravado and detest for the undead. When he talks about vampires, that pure hatred is obvious and heart-felt. There was one scene I certainly enjoyed where Edgar goes to meet the one who hired him to find her brother. She is a female novelist who writes romanticized books on vampires, providing them with a bit of eroticism and “bodice ripping” details. Edgar has no qualms telling her how much her work sickens him (this is a nice little poke at Twilight and its fanbase), while she attempts to defend the books. This conversation is heated, to be sure, but Edgar didn’t take her offer to “get an autograph”. He was hired to kill lots of vampires.

 

I like how Edgar describes a toy water gun that squeaks: “turns holy water into holy slaughter.” Haha. Or when he says, “Vampires feed at night, and I don’t plan on sticking around for dinner.” Yeah, I’ve always been a sucker for cheesy quips. How about this: “Virgins…vampire filet mignon.”

Basically, the finale is set on “slaughterhouse island”. Yes, an island has this closed-down slaughterhouse, and its history of death and slaughter is appealing to vampires wanting to choose a decadent place that is secluded and isolated. To build a vampire army, DJ X has a plan with a lot of potential success. Too bad, the Frog Bros will be interrupting the festivities.

 

The vampires weren’t all that fantastic to me. The fangs they wore looked a bit too novelty shop and the whole “bursting into ash upon death” is the easy way out CGI-wise. I do miss the good old days when we really see them either burn alive or melt into goo and bones. The conclusion is the classic "swerve" where the alpha vampire isn't the one the film has went out of its way to suggest is. One among Edgar's entourage is a traitor with ulterior motives. This sets up a conflict where Allen Frog will have to battle the vampire side while the alpha orders him to kill Edgar. An army on the verge of unleashing as Edgar attempts, with help from his bro in the nick of time, to keep them at bay by finding and killing the alpha vampire further establishes the urgency and immediacy as the danger escalates. Holy water is used in creative ways. Like a pepper spray canister or water pistol. That Edgar can shoot out water from a pipe and bless it successfully thanks to his "online priesthood" adds a comedic side to "just about anyone can be a part of God's holy army these days". Not only that, there's even swordplay, a Gatling gun firing off wooden stakes, and special UV lamps that come in quite handy if you need to hold back vampires from charging you instantly.

Here’s the thing: while the sequel was a dvd hit, that had a lot to do with fans of the original excited about possibly seeing if old faves would return and the nostalgia of it all. However, the film wasn’t all that grand and only Feldman returned. Haim made a woefully minor cameo during the closing credits. I think the third film had to follow up a rather average vampire film with less of a budget and the lack of that anticipation. Even Feldman cast in the lead failed to generate the kind of buzz needed to capitalize on the heat that was no longer available to this film as it was without much effort (just putting it out there in word of mouth was enough) in the sequel. Still, even though The Thirst is considered below average and didn’t make much of impact on dvd, I really liked it better than The Tribe. The Tribe did nothing for me, really. I was really disappointed the first time I watched it. The second time, just a few days ago, entertained me even less. Feldman’s involvement was essentially (with some decent effects) why I liked it at all. Seeing him basically sticking to how he played the character as a kid, all dead-pan and serious, left me with a Joker grin throughout. Maybe I’m easy considering I’m a sucker for nostalgia, but seeing Feldman getting almost all the spotlight, with Newlander returning this go-around to converse with him (and the use of footage of Haim in flashbacks), as both feel a sense of honor at stake (pun intended), The Thirst just satisfied me as the credits rolled. I just wish Haim had accepted a part in it. That is a regrettable opportunity lost to us, I believe.