A Return to Salem's Lot (1987)

Wednesday night was sort of an 80s “sequel night” with some lesser-known, lesser talked about films tied to far more significant horror films. Cohen’s “A Return to Salem’s Lot” (1987) is such an odd picture. Michael Moriarty, complete with hair piece, is an anthropologist (he’s seen recording a ritual of a tribe sacrificing one of its members due to adultery) and his wise-ass, constantly-cursing kid (Ricky Addison Reed), having inherited him from ex-wife, Ronee Blakley (“A Nightmare on Elm Street” (1984)), relocate to Jerusalem’s Lot where Moriarty’s aunt left him a dump that is falling apart. Well, Jerusalem’s Lot is a township of vampires and their faithful mortal “drones”. Yes, Tara Reid is a kid vampire in this and love interest to Addison Reed. Just getting that out of the way. Sam Fuller—the great director—is a Nazi hunter who is looking for a quarry, happening on Jerusalem’s Lot and Moriarty, the two eventually joining forces to take out the town and their leader, “Judge” Axel (Andrew Duggan). Fuller is so much fun, he moved the needle slightly for me from a very unfavorable rating to simply okay. I did realize that this viewing experience wasn’t as difficult to get through as the first time I watched it in 2007. I happened upon the VHS of it in a rental store that wasn’t open too long (maybe two or so years from around 2005 to about 2008). I was quite excited at the time, I remember. It was a sequel to Salem’s Lot (in a way) but Cohen adds his own spin to the vampire genre. This is a sequel-in-name-only. You just cannot go into this film expecting the same mood and atmosphere of Hooper’s film. It just isn’t remotely similar in tone. Moriarty finds himself with a proposition…he puts together a bible for the vampires to be read 200 years from now and remain among the land of the living or cost the soul and body of his son. So Moriarty will need to steer away his son from the allure of vampirism and the folks in town while hoping to avoid certain death. Not to mention he is sexually involved with an old flame he gets pregnant—a mortal/vampire hybrid, the Judge was quite happy—and then there are the drones who keep the vampires safe and make matters difficult for Moriarty. Moriarty is watched both by vampires and their human protectors during the day. One is a constable in town, the nephew of the Judge, played by James Dixon. Dixon refuses to leave town because he tells Moriarty there is nothing else out there for him. Although they show reflection in mirrors and enjoy garlic just fine, dispelling some of the tropes that identify them, they still have to go to their coffins during the day due to daylight and can be killed by a stake to the heart. So there is plenty of Moriarty and Fuller going vampire hunting and killing. Fuller even convinces the Judge he killed himself with gunshot to the chest. The town and coffins do indeed burn by film’s end. I wish I could say Salem of the film is creepy and gives you goosebumps and the vampires were unsettling and the thing of nightmares like envisioned in Salem’s Lot, but Cohen doesn’t seem interested in that necessarily. I kept asking myself, “Why are Moriarty and Addison Reed still alive?” I kept wondering, “Why would these centuries-old vampires even take the chance of allowing Moriarty and Addison Reed to remain active during the day even with drones there?” Or why would they even give proper introductions? Is a bible about them and eventual human interaction so worth such risk? I mean by the end they are burning or staked, startled in their coffins awake, while the drones are removed from the equation. The reward never come from that risk. Moriarty has some early quirkiness that is almost assured in any Cohen project he’s involved but less so in “A Return to Salem’s Lot” than the film this was shot back to back with, “It’s Alive III: Island of the Alive”. He has a cameraman at the beginning of the film egging him on he punches in the face, some tension with Blakley about their son, his interactions with the foul-mouthed, hard-to-manage son, is idly watching as a victim is carried off to be fed from by old lady vampires, and often goes for walkabouts throughout the Salem area (it does have very green hills and big farmhouses) alarmingly calm despite knowing what he does. Cranky Fuller “correcting” Addison Reed’s bratty behavior might actually receive some applause. His gung-ho staking (he narrowly escapes vampires in a basement after walking into an animal trap), while encouraging Moriarty to help clean up Jerusalem’s Lot is an unexpected delight. I guess the nonchalant personality of the town despite every reason to be alert and cautious is what left me the most baffled and Cohen’s direction just seems disinterested in any sort of real impact. You don’t really have the same kind of fun unpredictability and sense of spontaneity Cohen often affords his cast, with nothing but a choice few allowed to live among vampires who occasionally feed on passersby (including a bus traveling through) but otherwise seem none too concerned about their welfare. It’s a miss. I’m a Cohen guy, for sure, but this is towards the bottom of his output in my personal favorites of his work. May he rest in peace. 2/5