Halloween: Resurrection

It is a rare term I ever use for a film, Hate. But I, without a shadow of doubt, no question, positively hate Halloween: Resurrection. Something about it (many things actually) just set up in my craw and flat piss me off. I had a bad taste after I left the theater in 2002 (Why did I do it? I kick myself for it anytime this abomination returns to my attention…), and I hadn’t watched it since. It came on The Movie Channel’s Saturday Splatterday, and, for the blog, I decided one last time to punish myself by watching it.

I thought Halloween: H2O, while not a great film, was a nice close to the Michael Myers/Laurie Strode story, even if there were intentional in avoiding any connection to the Jamie Lloyd Halloween sequels. It was nice to allow Laurie Strode to once and for all silence this torment that had often reduced her to alcoholism. With one guillotine chop, Laurie had vanquished her tormenter once and for all. I thought the movie was also thankfully lean but not terribly inventive/imaginative plot-wise. But saying this, Halloween: Resurrection detonated all of this satisfaction with the opening scene; what this movie does to the Laurie Strode character is reprehensible and inexcusable. The fact that Jamie Lee Curtis would even allow this with her involvement had me supremely disappointed in her. I can still remember the repulsion of this opening scene, the way Strode is locked away in the asylum, the ludicrous development regarding how Michael “swapped” outfits with a paramedic (crushing the larynx of the poor guy, dressing him up in Michael’s mask and, as Busta puts it “baggy ass clothes”) causing her to behead a father of three instead of bro, and Michael returning to the mental institution to finish what he attempted to do in H2O. Maybe Curtis just wanted to put this character behind her and what better way than to allow Laurie to be killed off. There’s a scene where Michael just head butts his way through an asylum door that is supposed to be reinforced so that patients can’t get out. Laurie has Michael hanging upside down, is cutting the rope that would send him crashing to the ground, but because she beheaded an innocent feels it is necessary to pull his mask just to make sure. Yep, that was mighty ignorant, but this is important because Laurie needs to die. This is the opening sequence, and the film needs to rid us of a beloved character of the franchise before the real plot kicks in gear.

I never recovered from that scene. A lot of horror fans who aren’t particularly gaga over Carpenter’s Halloween or Laurie might not find this that big of deal. If that is the case, then the opening sequence will not deter from your enjoyment I can’t imagine that much. If you don’t mind Busta Rhymes imitating Bruce Lee, saying “Trick or Treat, Muthafucka”, after kicking Michael Myers through a window, then perhaps this will be right up your alley. If you want lots of first person cam emphasizing blurry imagery, then hop on the Resurrection bandwagon.

Six college kids are chosen to become members of a reality show inside the dilapidated house of Michael Myers on Halloween night. Busta Rhymes and Tara Banks are the behind the scenes producers/sellers of the show, responsible for it being a success. Over the night Michael proceeds to do what he does best, butcher and maim with a knife that is long enough to be classified as a sword. Director Rick Rosenthal employs lots of jump scare sound effects to give you a jolt…these effects are more obnoxious and desperate than successful. The cast includes a young Katee Sackoff (Battlestar Galactica; Longmire), Sean Patrick Harris (Cruel Intentions; Save the Last Dance), and Thomas Ian Nicholas (American Pie). Nicholas, you’d think, would have a sizable supporting part considering he come from the popular AP films, but he’s dispatched early after annoying Sackoff with his lurid advances that went nowhere. Also participants on the reality show include Luke Kirby, Daisy McCrackin, and, as the final girl, Bianca Kajlich. Ryan Merriman, as a “cyber friend” of Kajlich, has been in his share of horror sequels, including Final Destination 3 & The Ring Two. Merriman is watching the cyber show at a Halloween party, with party-goers soon accumulating in the room to watch along with him. Merriman is the one who warns Kajlich of Michael’s presence.

The reality show was on its way to even greater heights of popularity, but at this time the craze was starting to pick up steam. Halloween: Resurrection satirizes the craze, using boogeyman Myers’ house and past notoriety as the centerpiece for a spook show to entertain the internet masses. This was what the Halloween franchise had been reduced to. You kill off Strode in the opening minutes after placing Curtis shamefully on the poster to exploit her name and bring in an audience, and then use the Myers house and character in a satire of reality television. The icing on the cake is Busta cracking tough urban slang while kicking his ass. There’s even a scene where Busta is disguised as Michael, with the real Myers right behind him; Busta admonishes him for trying to steal his thunder! Rosenthal even pulls from Peeping Tom with the camera prop kill. The prosthetic head of Sackoff bouncing down the stairs was right out of William Castle. The final image before fade to black just reaffirms that nothing can put an end to Michael; even a long-term electrocution couldn’t stop him.

While H2O might have chosen to forget about parts 4-6, I think it is relatively easy to just totally disregard Resurrection just as well. In fact, if every copy of this fucking movie was destroyed it would not bother me.