Night of the Living Dead 2006

Sometimes I agree with the majority, a hell of a lot of times I don’t. But, I’ll tell you right now that I am among the crowd when it comes to this pitiful pile of dung that dares take the name Night of the Living Dead. What a dull, lifeless, stupid mess. I won’t waste too much time.

Barbara is left by her piece of shit brother in the graveyard, driving away as she must fend for herself against the walking dead, the results of a mortician (Sid Haig, sadly misused and I feel bad that his face causes many like me to rent this shit) who isn’t able to cremate their remains as he was supposed to. This movie plays off the scandal involving the Georgia crematorium that didn’t do its job in rendering the corpses of loved ones to ash. Haig quotes bible and likens himself to Jesus in how the dead are seemingly resurrected thanks to his handiwork. Yes, that’s how poor the writing is for this movie. Barb (as she likes to be called), was visiting a cemetery, attending the funeral of aunt at the request of mom (who was bitten, turned zombie, and tried to take a bite out of Barb), and now runs like a bat out of hell, making it to the local mortuary owned by Haig who wards her off. She is rescued from being a zombie meal by drug runner Ben who motorcycles her to a farmhouse ran by Henry. Henry grows pot, has a hired helper who smokes some of the stash (and is the very first one bit while stoned), a recently new wife, and a daughter from a previous relationship. The daughter gets it first, his hired help is bit next, and eventually Henry gets the big bite (from his turned daughter no less) on his throat. Barb and Ben, along with Haig’s mortician (who soon joins the group and urges those willing to accompany him to his mortuary) leave the farmhouse. Haig is operating under sinister intentions (which make little-to-no sense), we get a look at his father (in rotted corpse form) duck taped to a chair, and Barb must evade him or else service as food for the walking dead. Ben will try to rescue her. That’s it in a nutshell.

Tedious, with stretches that lack a lick of tension or development, and the zombie activity is hardly extraordinary, Night of the Living Dead 3D (in 2D form for the dvd release) is about as exciting as a trip to the dentist. And the zombies have yellow skin and most that are rotten aren't that particularly spectacular. I’m fucking tired of writing about this.