Hell Wouldn't Have Him.....buuuuuut Halloween 5 (1989) was dumptrucked by director Dominique Othenin-Girard and writer Michael Jacobs onto fans. Granted, it seems some fans love this. I can't remember if I ever officially liked it. I think I tolerated it because of its association with "Halloween 4" from the year before.
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| Nothing makes Tina more sympathetic than poking fun at a psychopath that traumatized a little girl you are supposed to care about. Jesus Christ, why do people like this girl? |
I went ahead, for my own sanity, and watched this on Shudder when it was featured on Joe Bob Briggs' Halloween Hootenanny. The breaks with Joe Bob going through trivia and often shitting on the film because he was left like a lot of viewers...taken aback by this particular vision of the next chapter in Michael Myers.
It has gotten to the point where I'm hate watching "Halloween 5" now. I think a part of me rages at the screen when Rachel is killed off because Tina is the substitute...yeah, that Tina who all of the police surround at the service station out of protection because a psychopath could be somewhere close to her. What does Tina do, the substitute of the protective and nurturing (and loyal) foster sister, Rachel? She disregards Jamie's fears for her safety, deciding a fucking Halloween party is far more important, even as the little girl is begging her to stay. And Tina is told over and over that her life is potentially in danger. So a crying kid and potentially a life-threatening psychopath targeting her aren't enough for Tina to possibly put Jamie (and her own well being) ahead of shaking her ass at a party and getting drunk with friends. Okay, that is a very old man kind of logic and maybe I ought to remember that Tina, in the film, is a high school teenager...teenagers, supposedly, are often selfish. So here's my retort: Rachel, despite wanting to be with her boyfriend on Halloween night, did renege and babysit Jamie, and at the beginning of "Halloween 5" was right there at Jamie's bedside after a very bad stormy night. So the great minds of "Halloween 5" take a beloved character in Rachel out of the franchise for good and leave us with Tina. If Michael hadn't dropped her boyfriend, Mike, with a three-pronged garden tool to the forehead, and Tina went on with that guy into adulthood, she'd probably be his punching bag. I mean that guy is a dick and she just happy-go-lucky tolerates his shit...ugh. At least Rachel was like...we're done, Brady. I know, many won't do that whole "compare/contrast" thing between them. Dammit...I can't help it!
This is what the director decided to eliminate for TINA!!!!!!!!!!!!
FML
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| Not a lot of Beau in the film...booooooo! |
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| Loomis is very scary to kids in the film |
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| No caption necessary |
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| Loomis approaching a haunted castle supposedly the Myers house |
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| Michael is not amused with Tina's kiss |
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| Child in peril |
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| Destroyed car, but Mikey is fine. |
This was transcribed from Joe Bob when "Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers" (1989) was on his Shudder show, Halloween Hootenanny:
You know I'm already confused by the movie. Pissed off for other reasons (the day of the dead set design), but the movie's pissing me off, too. Cause Jamie killed her foster mother in the last scene of Part 4, but what they show as the beginning scene of Part 5 is not the final scene of Part 4. It's the next-to-the-final scene of Part 4, where Michael Myers gets blown into a sinkhole by automatic weapons fire by the Illinois State Police, which we find out in this movie is not a sinkhole, it's a mine shaft, and then he finds a secret escape route into a river and meets an old coot hermit who takes care of him only to be murdered a year later in a sequence that was not directed by Swiss genius Dominique Othenin-Girard, it was actually directed by the producer Ramsey Thomas because his boss, the other producer Moustapha Akkad, decided that the original version of Othenin-Girard shot with a young hermit should be replaced with an old hermit, thereby making Michael Myers more evil because of his age difference -- and they actually shot that whole thing twice due to producer inteference about an expendable hobo -- so anyhow, and then we find out that little Jamie has not become a deranged serial killer herself, which would have been the logical outcome of the ending of Part 4, but has instead been remanded to a children's hospital where she has lost her ability to speak but fortunately is befriended by a young boy named Billy who stutters, and a girl, Tina whose the wilder version of her foster sister Rachel, the same Rachel from Halloween 4, and in the process we learn that apparently she did not kill her foster mother, the mother survived, but now, because we're in the hands of artistes from Europe, Michael Myers kills off Rachel, the most sympathetic member of the cast, right at the beginning of the movie, trying to do a Hitchcock thing, the way Hitch killed off Jamie Lee Curtis' mom, in Psycho in the shower scene at the beginning of that movie. That leaves us with two clown cops enhanced by circus music and, thank God, Donald Pleasence is in the movie, as Loomis, increasingly deranged, increasingly determined to pierce the mind of Jamie and find out exactly what she knows -- oh, yeah, I forgot this part -- he has to find out what she knows through her ESP powers that are linked to Michael Myers' brain. Alright. Does that about sum it up?
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