Illegally Yours (1988)

 

Yikes, jury duty plots can be hit and miss. I remember seeing "Runaway Jury" (2003), though, in the theater because of the Grisham connection, really digging it. Now, as far as Illegally Yours (1988) goes, I was interested in it because it was Rob Lowe working through his young career during his wild Brat Pack days, and the film was directed by Peter Bogdanovich. I have never read about it or delved into its history, so this was a fresh viewing. I hate to say it because I like Peter's work overall prior to "Illegally Yours", but this film is just a chaotic, fly-by-the-seat-of-its-pants mess desperately wanting to be loved even as it is just so busy it can't just stop a fucking minute to breathe at all. I get that Peter wanted the film to be something along the lines of Hawks' screwball comedy era, but despite Lowe's energetic, active performance--I don't think he's to blame for why the film isn't good--and Colleen Camp's quick-witted, grounded, alert, "wrong place, wrong time" implicated/arrested Molly character, "Illegally Yours" is breakneck and just too often on the move, instead of staying the fuck still for a moment to let us catch up to it. 

A blackmailer holding a number of people hostage with his information that could implicate stolen money from the father of Kim Meyers' Suzanne Keeler is shot in a scuffle over a gun, hidden in a rug by Ruth (Linda MacEwan) and Molly's former lover, Donald (Marshall Colt), who plant the body in a statue. Molly returns to get some things from Donald's home (the blackmailer met them at Donald's house), pulling a gun when Ruth attempts to run her over! The shot goes off, police arrive, and the blackmailer's body is missing, with Molly arrested. An audio cassette implicates all those being blackmailed, so Lowe ends up with it--it's a convoluted path where Lowe is at her house, interrupts Tony Longo (who works for Suzanne's father, along with Howard Hirdler) while he's breaking with Camp's purse, nabbing the tape--and hopes to get it to Camp so she can be absolved of the crime. Lowe hides the tape in his football helmet, his mom (Jessica James) gives it up for a raffle at an amusement park, so while tracking down the statue he breaks Camp from court, and the two of them, with help from Suzanne and her Canadian pal, Sharon (Louise Stratten), must avoid those out to stop them while hoping to gather all the evidence to exonerate Camp.

Ultimately, the film is about Lowe moving from one place to the other, in and out of his house while his mother, and his brother (played by Ira Heidan), try to figure out what trouble he'll get into next. The mess Lowe finds himself in stems from his longing to be with Camp. He had just fled from another relationship ended by cheating, and upon seeing Camp in court while stuck in jury duty, he swoons and falls head over heels, recalling his crush of her in elementary school. That yearning to be with her drives his every move, and he must constantly evade danger. Fans of the Elm Street sequels might think this film is cool because of Meyers ("Freddy's Revenge") and Heidan ("Dream Warriors") casting in this. I wanted to give over my heart to this because I did believe Lowe (and the cast) try hard to make the material work. There is just so much narration from Lowe, especially at the beginning. And fast dialogue as characters constantly rush around that never lands...I rarely found myself really laughing at any exchange much, although I do think Lowe and Camp have solid chemistry. Even Lowe and Meyers have some fun chemistry when he jumps in her car and drive around hoping to avoid MacEwan, Colt, Longo, and Hirdler while helping Camp. Being on the jury, Lowe is all kinds of unlawful, so involved in trying to get Camp off, he even works over the jury to convict her just so he could go after the statue with the body before it is shipped to Cairo and get her out of the courthouse. Lowe's loses a shoe, steps in everything from cement to plant water, drops his wallet when escaping a castle window, falls into a lake, drives a tour bus nearly into a truck, pretends to be a judge's wife to keep Camp safe (getting in a difficult spot when the judge returns home), borrowing cars or riding shotgun in others, and sacrificing a hell of a lot to hopefully get close and assist a woman he barely knows! I think Bogdanovich really had good intentions but the production history was clearly an issue with this film.

But if I take anything away from this it is Colleen Camp. I LOVE her 80s era of performances. She is every bit capable of carrying her end of any snappy conversation and her personality and charisma is evident when she is on screen. I was VERY attracted to her in "The Seduction" (1982) and just recently watched her in "Clue" (1985). She's a hoot in the right part. Like any actress, no matter how good you are, she was in her share of stinkers, but, man, in her prime, Camp was sexy, quick, and could snap that dialogue like a pro. Sadly, this particular film just didn't deserve her. Lowe, as much as he was in the doghouse with critics at this point due to his reputation and only in time escape that, runs around and speeds through scenes rattling off his dialogue in quick succession. 2/5

***Harry Carey, Jr. as a mechanic and tow truck driver that allows Lowe to drive his truck to St. Augustine, Florida, accompanying him to his mom's and staying, cracked me up because HE NEVER RETURNS HOME.***

***Johnny Cash's song opens and bookends the film. Yes, Johnny friggin' Cash.***

***I never quite understood the relationship between Lowe's mother in the film and this paranoid cop staying at their house. He has a habit of frisking folks in his house or pinning them against walls with his forearm!***

***I will admit: I could see this gaining a cult following because it is just all over the place and barely still.***