For those hording toilet paper

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (even the title is fucked up--she's his granddaughter) is an irrefutably awful stinker  (I can't even imagine the film's cult fans can claim it's good on any level) from William “One Shot” Beaudine has ludicrous plot developments (Frankenstein’s granddaughter insists on “keeping an eye” on village peasant Estelita even though she seems, for the most, to be a non-factor; Jesse’s dumb lug hunk of muscle partner named Hank remains shot in the shoulder seemingly forever while traveling to the village where Frankenstein has a castle; there’s a Native who comes out of nowhere and attacks Jesse for the sole purpose by the screenplay just to be killed; a slimy opportunist named Lonny turns on his co-horts just to collect on reward money for Jesse instead of sharing stolen loot with them from a stagecoach passing through, even though it seems as if he'd make less doing so!; Estelita can’t seem to determine whether she wants or doesn’t want Jesse; Hank remembers Estelita even though his brain has been replaced by an artificial one; speaking of the artificial brain, it appears “throbbing” after a salty substance is applied to it by Frankenstein; despite abhorring his sister’s activities in experimentation, not only does her brother, Rudolph continue to assist her, he then afterward poisons them so she isn’t successful!), blah photography (and terrible day-for-night scenes with characters barely visible on screen; camera set ups may be in one take but they are dull) where there’s little excitement, a script that is endlessly talky (it isn’t as if what they’re conversing about is all that really interesting; if anything, it seems that there’s so much dialogue and static scenes featuring characters talking and talking that perhaps Beaudine takes advantage by not having to move his camera very much), and either too theatrical (in the case of Narda Onyx as Frankenstein, summoning her inner silent film star expressiveness) or limp dick (in the case of charisma-less John Lupton; he’s perhaps the worst casting for Jesse James I’ve ever seen; Cal Bolder as Hank is hilarious in his non-expressions, especially considering he’s featured with a gunshot wound that never kills him, with a surgical scar around his dome after his brain surgery, or after receiving an artificial brain he’s re-named Igor by Frankenstein!).

The laboratory is poverty row cheap (including the “helmet” placed on human lab experiments’ heads), the Frankenstein castle is even poor for a matte painting, for nearly an entire hour (besides the opening sequence in the castle with a villager being experimented on) there’s little to do with Frankenstein (it’s clear Beaudine is more interested in the western part of the western/horror hybrid this is supposed to be) and a lot to do with Jesse James’ activities, and woefully turgid pacing (not only does this film lag, it turtles along at a please-shoot-me-now-and-save-me-from-watching-this-any-longer pace that drags mercilessly). This would better fit the Turkey Challenge of November (gobble-gobble) normally on the imdb than in October for a horror film challenge. I couldn’t find one redeeming quality. I recommend watching it with Joe Bob Briggs’ commentary; he may provide laughs based on a film, but his points regarding the onslaught of stupid mistakes in writing are apt, and credit must go to his knowledge and research on the subject (the film, its actors, and the director) on screen.