The Tooth Fairy

Like many low budget direct to DVD horror offerings, The Tooth Fairy hit the Walmart shelves in 2006 and gathered dust in rental stores until brick and mortar buildings tapped the mat as kiosks, Netflix, and the like made them submit with plenty of bruises and broken bones. This film came out right around the same time as Darkness Falls, a critical misfire that received a theatrical release and wasn't completely benign, with a few here or there to give it some love.

Lochlyn Munroe has been around low budget horror scene a long time. He's had some wildlings, so dubious sorts, and a few decent guys as characters over the years. In this film, Munroe has moved away from big city doctoring and taken up writing and opening a bed and breakfast in rural small town America someplace. He just chose the wrong house and property to renovate. It was where a hideous leper seemed to reside and she would offer children toys in exchange for their loose teeth. She would then kill them with their spirits in need of rest.

Chandra West is the girlfriend who isn’t so happy go lucky about the move as Munroe’s Big City Doctor, miserable in that profession and interested in writing while renovating the bed and breakfast. West, a paralegal, is often on the phone while her daughter, Nicole Muñoz, seems to love him quite a bit, willing to make it work. I admit, it was refreshing to see a potential stepdaughter actually like the next guy in her mom’s life, instead of the usual rebellious angst that often saddles such a character. Muñoz is in the barn, finds a bike and the ghost of a girl (Jianna Ballard) killed by the witch, and loses a tooth when the evil spirit of the witch pushes her off of said bike. So the witch wants the tooth, and if this happens, Muñoz loses her life. Meanwhile certain supporting characters are bumped off by the vicious, cruel witch…

With Steve Bacic as a freeloading friend of Munroe’s who more or less is only interested in pocketing some quick cash (Munroe could use some help when a local football jock helping him through manual labor is stuffed into a grinding machine and chopped to pieces and mulch!), Carrie Anne Fleming as a stripper who saved up her tips and customer lust bucks to go to vet school serving as the film’s eye candy, Peter New as an offensive, corrosive creep who accosts West at his gas station with his slow-minded brother played by Ben Cotton only going along with him, and Jesse Hutch as hired help wanting to be an engineer.

The witch particularly mangles hippie spiritualist, Sonya Salomaa, using both a nailgun and small hatchet, while PJ Soles has a small part as a neighbor warning Munroe and West of the serious threat in their midst, dressed in the attire of a Puritan under black robe. One victim is about to get laid but before happy time could commence, the witch decides, “off with his head!” Fleming, to make sure we enjoy her assets as the clients did when rewarding her with money to pay for college, takes off her top and eventually collapses in a faint spell after finding her intended sex partner beheaded in bed.

Despite kid spirits congregating at a cemetery, dedication to the friendship between Muñoz and Ballard, and the premise revolving around a witch pursuing a little girl for her teeth and life; this isn’t an episode of Goosebumps. It is mean-spirited, bloody violent, with a nasty streak to the killings and witch. It doesn’t have one single original idea or spin on the tooth fairy or the use of the witch. The religious fanatic played by Soles is not exactly her greatest piece of acting nor is it a noteworthy character…in fact, nothing about the part is flattering. West is a distant, rather cold character, her attitude stemming from having to leave certain profit and success behind for what could very well be a failed venture where location isn’t exactly in Munroe’s favor. Muñoz is sweet and cute, more open to the new location than her mom, hugging Munroe immediately upon seeing him and overjoyed to see her mom embrace him with a kiss towards the end of the film. Munroe, known for colorful types that often veer towards the crazier and/or less-than-subtle side, is totally straight and dialed-down. He’s just a concerned adult, losing folks at his bed and breakfast before it was actually opened for business, disheartened by the series of events caused by the witch.

A totally forgettable effort, this concludes with Munroe and company operating under Sole’s advice to burn the witch twice, the ghost children getting their teeth back and their spirits ascending to heaven, and the remaining survivors deciding it was best to leave while ahead. Deciding to stay away from CGI as much as possible (evidenced by the ghost children turning into bright orbs once they secure their teeth from the remains of the witch) was a wise choice, I believe. Practical effects, sparingly applied to the film, was the right choice, methinks. New and Cotton are perhaps just as menacing as the witch turns out to be. New, though, chooses the wrong area to urinate! Cotton wonders why his dick is away from his body, soon discovering all too well just why.

*½