April Fool's Day 2008

I kind of knew quite quickly as the film got started, I would fucking despise this “remake” (in name only) of April Fool’s Day (1986). We are introduced to rich pricks/bitches holding a “debutante ball” (for Rob Zombie’s Halloween lead, Scout Taylor-Compton), when a former member of the privileged few “beautiful people” returns to see everyone and warn the “belle of the ball” that she should not fall into this class of “misguided wealthy” and lose herself. When someone drugs Milan (Sabrina Aldridge), and she accidentally falls over a railing, crushing into a table on a lower floor below, it produces a scandal that lands the infamous Cartier brother and sister (John Henderson and Taylor Cole; both looking as if they just stepped off the runway of a fashion shoot, and all that is needed is a perfume/cologne to accompany them) in a rather unpleasant light. Those involved in the prank that resulted in the death of Milan on April 1^st are invited to her grave one year later. Desiree (Cole) keeps seeing Milan (guilty conscience? Really this bitch can actually feel something other than envy and jealousy?), and the invite concerns her a great deal. Des gains control of her family’s trust as a result of Blaine’s (Henderson) presence near a disrobed Milan, and the rest of this film plays like a rehashed “I Know What You Did Last Summer” (there were three of those…did we need another one?). The cast also includes Joe Egender as videographer Ryan, Samuel Child as self-involved politician Peter (although his interest in politics is very little beyond how he looks in the press), Jennifer Newsom as Peter’s pageant-obsessed wife, Barbie, and Joseph McKelheer as all-smiles, cheery, cheeky homosexual novelist who basks in the joys of documenting the notorious exploits of the affluent for profit and success. The film follows Des as she pursues the one supposedly responsible for killing her “friends” and provoking her fear of being a target readymade for just the right moment when she least expects it. If you don’t see the “twist” coming a mile away, then you are easy prey, plain and simple. What an absolute bore. This is a yawner that doesn’t even have the luxury of a fun cast (like the far superior ’86 film does). Sure seeing Des in constant fear makes the heart grow fonder (I think that was the point…seeing this bitch put through the ringer), but when certain other characters deserving just as much shit as she receives think themselves all high and mighty because she happened to place the roofie in the drink to get her brother in trouble and Milan killed didn’t give an iota of satisfaction. I wanted just one character I could like a little and that was Scout’s Z-movie actress since she had nothing to do with the initial prank, but even her character winds up used to progress the wealthy avarice of someone looking for revenge against Des. The tragedy (if that’s what you want to call it) at the very end when a “misplaced” bullet in a gun (that should’ve been a blank cartridge) goes off while pointed at a character allowing a scumbag to retrieve moneys to allow him to continue wallowing in his greed was the icing on the cake. If this movie can only fade from memory as quickly as possible I will be quite a happy man.