Silver Linings Playbook

I wrote the below for my Letterboxd but felt it was probably better meant for this blog. Seen by less people and might mean something for you if this is known to you, too:

Watching this just brought up a whole lot of memories I wasn’t anticipating. I was Veronica in my household, and I get how she felt. I LOVED my sister and brother but they were exactly like Tiffany…you understood what they were going through and didn’t, tried to be as supportive and loving as you could and often were the brunt of a lot of bickering and frustration; if not you, your parents or other siblings. There would be a time of peace, and they could be so much fun, so cool. Then other times explosive noise directed right at you (or at your mom). I would talk to them and then to mom, conversations that would often leave me exhausted, but it wasn’t that I couldn’t feel for them or just want them to be okay, to  have relief from the mess going on in their brain. And if you have a family chock full of mental illness, disorders, dementia, Alzheimers, bipolar or depression, life could be ALOT…for those besought with them and those who try so hard to be there for them and deal with them. This movie confronts that in all the ugly (and often, yes, funny) ways. If you have been all in this kind of messy family dysfunction, the movie will hit home. I told my wife, this was so true, so identifiable, to the point I felt anxiety due to all the family life I wished to escape at such an early age. To run away from what my mom often couldn’t…but it didn’t mean I didn’t love them or want the very best for them. And they could either “take the pills” or contend with the disorders that could produce a lot of amazing and disruptive things. But managing a person like Tiffany and Pat.

One thing is they loved me. I always knew that. But they could say things that truly hurt me and mom. Stuff I would bottle up and try to keep inside until I met my girlfriend/wife and could just not have to worry about the eventual turmoil of fights and heated arguments about the usual clashes of how I was mother’s perfect son and they were disappointments. I could not say anything and be accused of feeling a certain way towards them, then spend an hour attempting to talk them into believing that I never thought what they accused me of. 

What this movie does incredibly is show how there is calm one minute and chaos the next. In a moment, quiet turns into loud, peace distorted by anarchy.

And the scene where Tiffany and Pat discuss different medicines, and you have family begging each other for nerve pills, fights about nothing that were born out of “conflicts” that could be dissolved easily if heads were clear. A fight that shouldn’t happen does, escalating out of the blue, leaving scars and emotional welts not seen on the outside.

Conversations about going back into the hospital or staying out, absolutely true to life. Trying to adapt to something resembling normal, too often a challenge. Stay at home, refuse to mingle too much with people because they would see them in their messiest, the society out there being scared or needing a restraining order; my siblings are like that, just trying to box themselves away in order to not have conflict. Tiff and Pat, though, get out there, I’ll give them that…it does result in yelling and dishes breaking in a diner with middle fingers pressed on the window glass. For me, it was a dent in my trunk door because I wouldn’t buy my brother a sweet tea at Bumpers Drive-thru. They love, want to be around you, hate you, curse you, and leave the scene, before returning with a sincere apology. It’s that whole thing. It is a roller coaster. Highs and Lows.